btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
