How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
