He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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