Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
