he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
