Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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