yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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