Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Randomize
