I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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