We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
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