i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
