my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
