Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
two words...techno handjob
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
