Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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