My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
