insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
