His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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