Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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