I feel great
I just peed on a car
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
