you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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