dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
