he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
