we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
