i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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