i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Randomize
