Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
pray to the hookup gods
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
