Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
