I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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