Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
