Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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