you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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