oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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