DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
