Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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