just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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