i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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