I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
