I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
