Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
