Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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