ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
