i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
