I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
