Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
