just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
