So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
