so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
