i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
