I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
