We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
