I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
