The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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